ItsTheBlog™

I really want to get into some illegal underground Cock Fights. As long as we don't bet on it, we won't get into too much trouble. Thats about all I have to say as far as the whole Vick thing goes. So I will talk about Soccer.
A quick read through the Yahoo Sports page will point out that they have a list of players who they feel should join Beckham in the United States. Granted, I love this country, but in no way shape or form should any respected Futbol player ever, and I do repeat ever, join the MLS. Let me indulge you, the reader, with my own top 10 list of why they should stay over-seas.

10. In the rest of the world soccer is worshiped and respected as a sport of the gods. Over here in America, its just another sport to keep you occupied. We don't have the response or the admiration they could ever see over in Europe.

9. Air Fare, Its so freakin cheap over in Europe to fly anywhere else that it makes no sense in spending a few hundred dollars flying around the states.

8. The Pound. It's about 2 for 1 American dollars here folks. To be making 100 million over in England, is about half over here. So lets say you decide to go live back in your home country of England after a brief stint in the MLS, well, youll have to do a currency exchange, and lets just say your giant pocketbook might be a little lest giant.

7. The Euro. Its not 2 for 1 but its still worth more than the dollar. Take the above scenario and replace England with anywhere in Europe.

6. Hicks. Honestly, we have some uncultured, foreign hating, people over here that really just would turn me off to playing anywhere but New York or L.A. Sorry Kansas City, but realistically how many people in the city even know what a foreigner looks like. Probably alot, but that would hurt my point.

5. The National Debt. I have a hard enough time living in this country whose debt is in the Trillions.

4. Health Care. I'm going to get a little Michael Moore here and just say, whose going to be paying for your bruised tibia Beckham, when you don't have the right Insurance. Sure won't be Uncle Sam.

3. Education Reform. When your kids say to you: "Daddy, I would like to learn." Your first thought should be: "This is America and our current education system is entirely lacking as far as Primary through Secondary Schools go. I shall not be sending my child to one of those 'Public Institutions.' And then send them back to bording school in London.

2. Obesity. Ronaldo is fat enough, we don't need to send him over here and just help induce obesity on the guy.

1. Electoral College. It's just ridiculous. Don't try to argue, it just is.




On a serious note, support Amnesty International, Oxfam, or Free trade coffee. its good for the soul and the wallet.


www.myspace.com/oxfam

Labels: Awesome, Michael Vick, Soccer, Top Ten

In today’s news Basketball Jones has been seen placing underground bets on local YMCA youth league basketball matches. We asked Basketball for a comment and all he replied was "I ain’t done nothing, no not nothing, I swears it, those kids be straight up lying, word to my posse, Andre and Bernard, juckey mookey, ya'll juckey mookey."

This comment has left this reporter wondering when in Gods name humanity did became so stupid. In other news, Batter Mcshortstop has been under allegations that he has, in fact, "juiced up" on human growth hormone. Mcshortstop has been accused of this thanks to his former wife’s tell all book claiming, "All you have to do is look through our trash and you'll find about 40 needles." This has been a shocking revelation to the sport of baseball since no one has ever been accused of using steroids in a sport that moves so slow.

In other new, Lion Forest was seen doing "fatty lines of Coke" and I'm not talking about the tasty beverage folks. Old professionals commented on his drug use by saying "Personally I thought doing something to make you speed up would make the sport more interesting to watch, but ya know what, it didn’t."

Finally folks, a tragic story from the Savannah Golden Eagles, as the teams quarterback, Pig Skinson, was finally put behind bars for underground cat boxing. For those viewers who do not now what cat boxing is, it’s kind of like watching two infants fight over a rattle, not really all that interesting, but when there’s money involved, well, it gets ugly. 14 calico cats have been taken from his home and placed in foster care. However, the cats, even after being freed, are still acting, as one new foster parent said, "bitchy." Just like my ex wife, No folks I kid, she’s a saint. Alright well that raps up our sports segment, stay tuned for "Holy Hell Someone in Hollywood Just Took a Piss and We Got Footage."

Have a good night folks.






DISCLAIMER: None of the stories mentioned above are actually true, they are loosely based off of what I'm sure is going on in the news today, I in fact did not even watch anything sports related, I kind of just assumed this is what’s going on. Thank you and Good night.

Labels: Awesome, Baseball, basketball, football, Funny, news, Scandals, Stories

"Every game, every team, should have grass – without a doubt," Beckham said. "You can't ask any soccer athlete to perform at a high level on FieldTurf."
-David Beckham

I'm going to completely ignore the fact that he is commenting on the argument many MLS players have about fake turf and just take notice that he now refers to futbol as soccer. You know I'm honestly against imperialism and I'm against American Imperialism as much as I am against British but man is it ever prevalent now. We have taken a word this man must have said on a daily basis and totally turned around its meaning to him. Football is now the sport where the star player has dog fights in his backyard. Cricket has become nothing more than that annoying sound he keeps hearing before he goes to sleep. And don't get me started on how "Dumb and Dumber" ruined his interpretation of "tea and scrumpets." What can I say about our bastardization of anything cultural? Well I really don’t have to say anything about it, just walk into any Olive Garden of your choice and you can witness years of Italian Culinary art being punched in the crotch repeatedly then being paraded on a catwalk.

But back to Beckham. Seriously, this guy has gone soft on his upbringing, I'm beginning to speculate that he doesn’t drink as much tea as he used to. And that’s just a sad thought. Oh well, lets take an inventory of all the things America has now claimed:
Beckham’s Vocabulary,
British Music,
Lacoste,
Homosexuals,
Incompetent Leadership

At this rate there will be no stopping us, next thing ya know we'll all be praising Allah, or screaming Harry Krishna, or doing something else that America deems fit to Bastardize. So with all of that said, Beckhams got to go.

p.s. If your wondering how that applies to sports, then you need to get less free time. Hippy.

Labels: America, Awesome, Beckham, Brit, British, hippies